Choosing You First 1 April 2019 - A Controversial Question


I preface this article that the primary question posed in the article and video may be controversial or even offensive to some. How you react is based on your belief system. My role is to ask questions to help people consider other possibilities for their lives.

Recently in a caregiver group I am part of, a woman lost her spouse. Actually, this group seems to have a high rate of spouses dying in the last few weeks. Each day I see a new post that someone has crossed over. The woman who caught my attention in a big way asked this question. 'Who am I now without him?'

Being who I am, this question shocked me. Then it brought a lot of awareness.

As a woman, mother, wife, caregiver, friend, and business owner responsible for helping people find the answers and closure to their family questions, I understand why she asked this question. We have all done this - wrapped up our identity into one person, perhaps a spouse. Or our business. Our children, as a parent. It could be anything we've chosen to attach most or all of our identity to. When I realized I have done it, the awareness of why I have been unhappy and unfulfilled shows up if I allow it. Then I can pivot.

Is this healthy? Can we be more aware we are doing this and giving up parts of ourselves?

Women in particular, tend to give and give and keep giving until we are empty and there is nothing left of us - who we are inside - and we forget how amazing and special we are. We might ask:

  • Where did I go?
  • When was the moment I gave all of me away and lost myself?
  • How do I go on?
  • How do I get me back?
  • Do I even want the old me back?
  • How can I create a new, happy, fulfilled me?

My point of view is we need to look at all the parts of who we are. What are the special parts of us? For some people, it may have been so long since you considered that questions, that you can't fathom asking it now or even seeing the ways you are special.

Anywhere we feel we have no right to ask ourselves these questions, let's allow that to go right now. Send all that energy to Spirit/Creator/Source whatever you call that Being. Let it go right now.

Now we can be in a space to sit with these questions. I encourage you to journal the answers and allow everything to rise up inside you even if it sounds crazy.

It's not unusual for us to move between the 'I've lost me' and 'I've found me' energy. A target for us all may be to remain more in the found energy.

So what's my story and how am I qualified to speak to this question? And what is my answer? Please watch the video above to hear some of my story and my answer to the question 'Who am I without him?'

Would you like more?

Offer #1: Wednesday evening, April 3, 2019, at 8:00 p.m. CST, I am a panelist in a DearMyrtle WACKYWednesday webinar. We are talking about writing memoir and a little bit of how I am moving through my caregiver journey and creating my life. If you would like to register for this free webinar, click this link.

Offer #2: Would you like to read the first chapter of my memoir which will be released 9 April 2019? Click this link to subscribe to our newsletter and you will receive chapter 1 of my memoir to read before the book launches.

I would love to hear what you think about the question posed here. Please comment with the video on our FB page. Let's start a conversation!

© 2019 Jennifer Holik Finding the Answers Journey


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