It has been a while since I posted here or made a new video. Life in Europe was much more intense and rough this trip. I was here a week and my husband went into the hospital not once but three times over the month. I spent half my time here in the hospital or doctor's offices or procedure rooms. 

This has been a cycle - a loop we can't escape - or can we? What I realize now is really I have zero control over any of this. I am aware of a lot of things that my husband can choose to stop this loop - but I can't make him do any of that. 

To watch someone you love choose something that is not going to make them healthier or feel better on a consistent basis is difficult for me. Is it for you? Knowing all I know and being aware even in my body of what is wrong with him and knowing what would be a contribution - I can only suggest anymore he do it and watch. 

This is a big lesson for me to learn - truly detach and let him handle his own stuff. We all do things that serve us...

I love deep conversations. Conversations with questions that fry your brain and make you stop and go.....WHAT?!  Sadly the last couple of years, I do not have enough of those kinds of conversations with real living people sitting across from me, to satisfy me. There are a lot of reasons for this - one is self-isolation I was doing. The other is working alone, with a lot of dead people who do not talk for very long, and the pressure of 'having to work or else' which causes a reaction of not going out to have fun or meet new people.

This week I had one of those deep conversations for almost three hours and it totally shifted my reality. I met with a Dutch doctor to discuss WWII research (his project) and caregiving and hospice (things I am working on and experiencing for personal and professional). Through a very open, honest, "I'm gonna ask you possibly uncomfortable questions" energy conversation he asked a question that fried me.

What do you consider success as a caregiver?...

I spent the weekend in Son, Netherlands for the 74th Anniversary of Operation Market Garden, specifically for the 101st Airborne commemorations and living history. This was my second time experiencing this event.

This year I spent a lot of time talking to Dutch people about the choices their families made during WWII. In some cases, the family members fought in the resistance, were taken as forced laborers to Germany, or fought to survive the hunger winter of 1945.

In other cases, family members chose to join the German ranks and were sent to the Eastern Front. There has been a stigma around those who chose to fight for the Germans, that affects families even today. Even when those who fought are long dead.

My questions to you are....

Should we be bringing these family secrets and stories out of the darkness and into the light?

How much will that change the stigma attached to this part of history?

Can we stand back and observe the choices made and not judge?

Can we acknowledge what...

I’ve been having many conversations with people about FAMILY. CHOICE. GRATITUDE. JUDGMENT. NEGATIVITY. CHANGE. WAR. LIFE. DEATH.

Whenever I have posed some questions, usually in a short video, about family choice and what would it take to stop judging it all, the response I get on the posts and through messages is often filled with negativity. As if there is no possibility to see anything positive in the “bad” or “wrong” or “terrible” choices our family members made. Yet, what if there is something in there to be grateful for?

Add to this the tangled web of someone saying, “Well my grandpa did THIS and I know how it traumatized THAT person and THAT person so why should I not judge?”

First, we do not know the 100 choices and experiences that led up to grandpa making a choice that did some damage or whatever it caused. Second, we do not know the 100 choices, experiences, baggage, etc. carried by the people his choice hurt. We were...

I’ve been moving through some interesting things the last few years and they seem to be culminating this year. New choices, new paths, new relationships, and a change in my business. Hear my thoughts on all this as I sit in Naarden-Vesting, Netherlands, and several questions for you to ask yourself about your life and what else is possible.

© 2018 Jennifer Holik